Current Emotion: Nothingness

I feel awful

I feel excited

I feel disappointed

I feel many things

 I can never decide how I really am...

I feel over overwhelmed

I feel underwhelmed

I want to do this

But I have to do something else

But if I don't do this, I won't feel very accomplished with my life

But if I don't do this other thing, I will have many consequences over the long term

So many things I would rather do

So many things I HAVE to do

But if I can't do what I would like to do, I would feel like nothing

But if I don't do my important work....

JUST FUCK!!!

Will a huge change really CHANGE anything for me?

Would moving away to another town, with different people, with perfect strangers, with new doors to open, thousands of them

would it all really help me?

What if closing the door of high school life and study, and opening a new door of collage life and study really didn't change anything like I wish it to do?

What if I just go mad, insane, desperate for a salvation?

Why don't I have the proper support?

I'm getting nothing from my parents

It's not like I would want their support

I want nothing emotionally from my parents

I've been lonely everyday for the past four years because of them

They don't help....

I want love....

Sometimes I just wanna cuddle up with someone who is willing to cuddle back with me

I want to be that house cat who cuddles with their owner when they come home again

An "aww, kitty wants attention" moment

A moment of love...

A moment of comfort

I'm sure as hell I'm not getting that from my family

I suppose...

People sometimes desire the impossible

For me, 

this is my impossible desire

I am alone

I will be forever

Because no one will take in this stray cat...

It's raining

I'm stuck in a cardboard box

I scream for help

But no one will give me the time of day

They pass me without a glance

I cry to myself

It's all I have left